My friends

Almost every night in the cafe, Walter wants to play a game. In his Dutch-English he points his finger at you, flares his eyes and says, "You play a game??" Woah. How do you say no to that? You can tell in his eyes if he's had a few beers yet that night or not. If he has, the game will be really interesting. If he hasn't, the game will be interuppted by a few "bathroom breaks."
Tonight I am working in the kitchen until 11:45. "You play a game?" asks Walter. "Well, maybe after I'm done with all my chores," I say. "Bah!" says Walter, "I help you! What you want me to do?" He doesn't take no for an answer. I tell him he can clean the garden while I scrub the grill. He must really want to play tonight, because he grabs a rag and goes. In ten minutes he is back, explaining that he cleaned all the free tables and told the guests still out there that they better clean up their own spots. I can only imagine their reactions! Having a 40 year old, tall fiery Dutchman tell you to do anything would probably bring complete obedience.
We sit down at the table with Keila, another cleaner right now and try to decide which card game to play. We are talking about the hostel- how it is Christian, but how everyone upstairs in the dorms break the rules. We talked about being honest and Walter proudly talked about how after he was caught the first time drinking upstairs he hasn't done it again. "But everyone else f---ing does it upstairs!" "Yeah, Walter, I know. It's not right, but that's cool that even though they break the rules, you are trying to do what's right," I say. "Yeah," he says, "it's not easy," wagging his finger at me again. I nod. Keila smiles at Walter. After 2 weeks we're learning how to respond to him.
Rico, another one of our cleaners, comes in. He sits down with us in the middle of our paused game and makes us laugh so hard. All of a sudden, Walter lights the cigarette that has been teetering between his fingers all evening. "Walter!" I say. We both look at his smoking cigarette and he is shocked! Walter always complains about not being able to smoke in the cafe, but he would never do it on purpose. His mind, caught up in the fun of the moment, let go and let him light up. I laugh at his shocked expression and we both jump up. I follow him outside and we go sit at the corner by the canal. "I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to!" he keeps saying. I just laugh- "I know Walter, it's ok!"
He finishes his cigarette and then pops open a Heineken can. It's ok for him to drink, just not in the hostel. I say nothing. Staring out over the canal, my mind starts running. The wind picks up and the sky is pink. "Is it going to rain tomorrow?" I ask. Walter has lived in Amsterdam all his life. "Do you know what the weather will be like by looking at the sky?" I interuppt him mid-sip, not meaning to, but my mind is running. I laugh and tell him I don't mean to. I tell him about my dad and how I used to go and sit in my dad's office armchair and ask him a million questions. Walter's eyes soften. His daughter Mellie is 10. "And he was angry with you?" "No," I say, "he was a good dad." "I think you're a good dad too Walter," I tell him. He scoffs so I continue. "I think you have a good heart too Walter." This is something we have talked about before. He can see this heart in us and has told us. Walter's eyes see so much.
Keila comes out to the corner. She has her ratty black jacket on and her walkman in hand for one of her evening walks. Keila doesn't talk to us much unless it's about what she wants to talk about. A "how are you Keila?" usually is answered with a swift, "I'm fine, and you?" Walter doesn't want her to go alone. She doesn't want to wait. "Let's all go," I say, and I run inside to get a jacket. Well, the jacket I don't find, but I do find Rico, bored and sitting at the table waiting for us to return. "Come on a walk with us!" I say and he gives me "the look" which is really difficult to describe, but basically means, "why are you so weird, but i'm going to come with you anyway."
As we head to the corner, another friend of ours approaches. Al was a cleaner before he got his new job as the head chef at the Cafe Limon. He has worked crazy hours and had so many ridiculous things happen. He passes his joint off to Keila as he begins to imitate the waitresses at the Limon fixing their hair and talking on their cell phones. His Scottish accent thickens as he gets more and more animated. We are all standing around nearly rolling on the ground in laughter and I have one of those moments that you just pause in your head.
These are my friends. And somehow the Lord wraps my heart in peace when I'm around them- unruffled by all these "ruffling" things- the pot, the alcohol. What a moment of fun, of laughter, of such random community! I can't believe I'm here.
Walter had slipped away and brings back a coat for me. We say goodnight to Al and the 4 of us- Rico, Walter, Keila and I head out on a 2 AM walk around the block. We walk past closed but lit shop windows, laugh about the thought of stealing a car or a bike, twice convince Walter that we don't need to go to a bar or liquor store tonight- that we're tired and just need to walk back. We are German, Dutch, British, American. We are all tired, in the same way, in different ways. We are atheist, closed off, searching, in love with Jesus. We are on a walk in Amsterdam in the middle of the night. And I know that Jesus walked with us that night.
Will you remember my friends in prayer? Pray for Rico- that inside himself, he would put down his pride and skepticism and believe in God. Pray for Keila, since this story she is on the street again. Pray that the walls around her heart will keep crumbling- that she will let Jesus love her. Pray for Walter- there is so much more to say about his journey so far, but he is journeying! Praise God! Pray that the power of Jesus would cut through his addictions. I know it is possible.

3 Announcements

Announcement #1
My hair is a bit different than it was when I left Colorado Springs. My friends Greta, Martina, Hannah, Christian, Sarianne, Louise and Lindsay helped me dread my hair last week. Finally! This is something I've been wanting to do since I was in high school and I'm so happy to have it done! Yeah, it's a big step, but I'm excited. I have 60 small dreadlocks and they stayed pretty long (I promise to post pictures soon!). Amsterdam is the perfect place to start dreadlocks- no one gives you a second look because actually every second person has dreads themselves!

Announcement #2
I have decided to extend my time at the Shelter. This is something I've been thinking about since the first week I came. Before I came I thought that 3 months would be enough time to understand the ministry, get my feet wet and then move on, but I see now that I have so much to learn still. You barely learn a place in 3 months, much less the ins and outs of a ministry, the hearts and wirings of fellow staff, the way to pronounce Spanish and French and Portuguese names at breakfast. I am planning on staying until November 11th. I will be able to stay and serve until the Jordan closes for renovation and will also be home in time for Thanksgiving. Perfect. Thank you Lord. I am really excited to stay and be a part.

Announcement #3
God is so awesome! Man, I can't even write everything down that I have seen God do in the past few weeks. He is after people in the most beautiful way. I have a huge story or two still to explain to you, but let me tell you this picture that I had that describes it all perfectly. I see people- hundreds of people- standing in a huge open white space. And I see a colored ribbon flying in this crowd. It is chasing someone. It is God's spirit and it is chasing someone to show them His beauty. He is after them. And this ribbon goes through the people standing there. It weaves through people but always it chases, pursues, soars. We are those people. God uses us, God chases through us and we don't get to be in control, but we get to see the beauty of Him working His work through us. And so the crowd is criss-crossed with ribbons- teal, orange, red- turning and fluttering and following. It really brings tears to my eyes how much Jesus LOVES us and wants His freedom to be ours, His victory to be ours, His comfort and love and community and everything to be ours. He's after people and the biggest blessing I could pray for you is that you get to be part of the work.

I was the prostitute in the Red Light District this weekend.
There were six of us visiting the Shelter City, presenting a drama for the Good Friday outreach. Lukas was God, Christian was Man. Greta was the Temptation of Money, Sarianne the Temptation of Wild Living, I was the prostitute. And it wasn't until we were standing there practicing in the stairwell that I realized how powerful this thing was.
The Red Light District is the next block over from the Shelter City. Many of the guests that stay there come simply to be in close proximity to the women. Tonight the cafe was full of guests, mostly men, staying for the free meal and program.
In the drama, God creates Man. They have a good relationship; He gives him everything He needs, but warns him about the 3 temptations- which are exactly what he goes for. Christian drinks with Sarianne, he chases the money Greta waves at him, he is seduced and played by me. We become the wall between him and God- we torture him and then God steps out and takes his place. Greta and I hold Lukas's hand taut as Sarianne gives the lashes Jesus endured. We pound the nails into His hands and feet and laugh at his last breath. We slink towards Christian to torture him again, but Lukas springs up- defeating death and sprawling all of us out on the floor.
My heart beats hard as this scene runs through my head in the stairwell. There is power in it. There is power in it because it is true. And I think of our surroundings and the light and power that we are presenting in this dark place. I also think of these women. On the way as I had walked to the City, I passed some of the windows. I was struck by this familiar signal- their fingers beckon just like my part in the drama. For them, this is real. They are part of this wall that tempts and separates others from God. They have this wall in their hearts as well.
God used the drama powerfully. We performed it again at the Jordan and it brought tears and questions. Walter left the room after it and sat between the front doors, just staring. He told me he drank hard that night. Because of the drama? He wouldn't say. Pray for Walter and all the other guests and cleaners who saw this drama. Pray that they will understand that Jesus is the one who makes this wall come down; that He is the one who makes relationship with God possible again.


p.s. In all my stories I have changed people's names a bit, just to keep them safe, but Jesus knows who they are- please pray for them!

How Deep the Father's Love for Us

Ok, this is your assignment, for real: Have someone sing this song to you, or read it out loud, very slow, as if it was a poem instead of a song.

How Deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He would give His only son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the wounds of searing loss
The Father turned His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen one
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon a cross
My sin upon his shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life;
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything:
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ;
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from his reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart:
His wounds have paid my ransom

Fruitfulness

I have a cold.
This shouldn't be strange, but it is for me considering the following: about 2 weeks ago I had my first bike crash. It was really stupid and totally my fault, but I walked away from it with my knees totally purple and cut up. It made it really painful to bend down to do anything.
Then, last week, I rolled my ankle. I have done this before, but never as bad as last week. I couldn't walk on it at all after it happened, and it took me 3 days to be able to walk normally. I was "Gimpy."
And now, just as I am able to walk, my nose begins to run... What's the deal Lord??

And as I was laying in bed with my foot up, not able to work, not able to talk to guests, not able to "do" anything, I got really frustrated. I thought, "This is not why I came here- I came here to be with people and share the gospel and serve." I thought about when I could go back to work, how I could have more ministry, how I could approach people and how I could bring up the gospel more often. And I got overwhelmed. It is easy to get lost in the expectations of this ministry and hard to find your place. And I prayed, "Lord, show me where I can be fruitful here- show me how to do this thing." And right away, He spoke SO clearly to my heart:
"Fruitfulness comes from My heart."

Wow. Yes. How can I measure these things? How can we measure the fruitfulness of our own lives? "I saw 20 people come to Christ. I talked to 5 guests today. I led a Bible study. I sang really well for worship." How quickly it becomes a list that we make! Then we reach our own standards, but what about God's? And am I willing to look lazy, to wait, to draw away, in order that I can know His heart better? "Fruitfulness comes from My heart."
So maybe my cold is just extending this lesson. I better stop blogging and spend some time with Jesus.